That’s My Story, I’m Sticking to It…Maybe

The subject of story has been coming up a lot lately in my world, mostly in conversations and in collaborating with my peers around town.

I’m fascinated with the concept of storytelling because everything we tell is a story. The story of us, the story of them, the story of this, the story of that. Stories are our creations of reality. We write them, we own them and we live them.

A recent conversation with an old friend highlighted how attached we get to our stories. The theme of the particular story being told was, “I’m constantly disappointed in life”. This is a whopper of an example of unhealthy storytelling. Sadly, this friend is so attached to this faulty belief that she is having one experience after another that reinforces this belief. Failed relationships, missed promotions, financial difficulties: all painful realities that underscore this faulty, yet entrenched belief. That’s a hard, sad story to live.

Jim Loehr wrote a great book about stories, in fact it’s aptly titled “The Power of Story”. In it, he writes that, “anything that consumes our energy can be a story, and if you continue to tell a bad story, you will almost assuredly beget another bad story or ten.” He asks the reader, “In which important areas of my life is it clear that I cannot achieve my goals with the story I’ve got?”

The great part is when you break it down, you have full control over your story. We frequently say, “that’s my story, I’m sticking to it.” But why? Unless it works for you of course. You get to decide what gets told and how it gets told and what it means.

In reviewing your story, ask yourself: 1) who’s story am I telling anyway? (Is it yours or someone else’s?) 2) just how attached am I to what I’m telling? (Do I have to be right about this?) and 3) how attached am I to a pre-determined outcome (which may or may not happen).

Questioning your story generally is very eye opening. It becomes easier to see what’s working versus where you may be shooting yourself in the foot. If you aren’t getting results, there’s probably a big faulty assumption in your story. For example…

In Sacramento, I’m very active in the local business community and I am finding that the people who are having the hardest time adjusting to the myriad of economic changes of the past four years or so are those who are clinging to the story of “this is how it was done, this is how it should be, I don’t like this, Make it stop.” I’m also finding that those who are willing to change the story, try different tactics as well as even make stuff up as they go along are having a much easier time navigating the “new normal”.

All good work needs editing. Where does your story need editing?