Deciding

Deciding.

A lot of us say we have trouble deciding things, deciding what to have for dinner, which job to take, what car to buy. And making those decisions can be irksome, time consuming, sometimes outright paralyzing, and other times easy-peasy.

But we do make decisions daily and constantly, for ourselves and other people, without supporting facts. We decide that this new friend is not going to like us. We decide that this potential buyer is too poor to buy from us, so we can’t close the sale. We decide not to ask for a donation to a favorite charity because we’ve decided that the person won’t be willing to give. We decide not to solicit testimonials for our work because we decide in advance, that the other person won’t be happy to oblige.

You get the idea.

That’s a lot of deciding….deciding based on our own preconceived notions, limitations and value judgments.  We are making dozens of decisions everyday that are not based on concrete numbers or a definitive “no” from the other person. We’re making these decisions based on the beliefs that exist between our ears. This is a big part of what keeps us stuck, mired, scared and anxious.

Regarding this holding back, you may say, “I know what I know. What are these (seemingly) little decisions keeping me from anyway”? How about: Better relationships, a more profitable business, more freedom, feeling more relaxed, being able to be yourself at home and work.

How are your decisions costing you?

Riffing on Resistance

Lately, I’ve been giving a great deal of thought to the concept of resistance. In traditional psychology terms, resistance is, “a psychological defense mechanism wherein a patient rejects, denies, or otherwise opposes the therapeutic efforts of a psychotherapist”. But I am not interested in how traditional psychology defines it. I am interested in the role resistance plays in our every day lives. Resistance in practical terms, because that’s where change gets done.

Resistance is what keeps us from doing what we really want to do. Resistance is what we feel when our hearts say yes, but our practical minds say no. Author Seth Godin says resistance is when we want one thing and do another. It’s writer’s block, procrastination, jitters. All that stuff rolled in to one annoying package.

When we experience feelings that we identify as “depression”, “anxiety” and “unhappiness” for example, resistance is the very thing fueling these feelings. Trudging day to day in a job you hate leaving you with no energy? Resistance. Freaking out at the mere thought of possibly leaving that job? Resistance.

No one is immune to resistance. Myself included. For years I kept up a website and a professional image that I thought was “appropriate” even though it did not resonate with my work. In spite of being a life long writer, I never started a blog for my website because I wasn’t sure what information was “appropriate” to present to potential clients and current clients and people in general. I was afraid to say what was really on my mind. Now that’s resistance at work.

So I studied resistance, from the perspective of both a therapist  and someone deep in the thick of it. I tried to understand it intellectually, a step in the process that is both natural, yet utterly useless.Finally I decided to jump in with both feet. I revamped my entire practice. As Steven Pressfield, author of “Do The Work” says so simply, “Don’t think, Act”.

This is key to overcoming resistance. So now this is what I do, everyday. What small thing can you do today to help you overcome resistance in your life?